Pixie Lott is in need of lovin’

Photo Asher Wren

Cute as a button ‘Mama Do (Uh Oh, Uh Oh)’ singer Pixie Lott is looking for a boyfriend. She’s never had a real one before, and has set her sights on a rocker or a surfer. “I've had little things, but not a serious boyfriend. There was one person I went out with at school, but it was like a month long,” Lott said.

She’s got a thing for surfer dudes with blonde hair or dirty, scruffy rockers. We’re gonna take a huge leap here and assume that most of you guys fit into the latter category. But since Lott, as she claims, stopped herself from responding to Russell Brand’s smarmy charm, you may want to lose the backcomb.

If you aren’t already booking flight tickets to the UK now, there is something wrong with you. Here’s a point-by-point description of why this is:

1. Pixie Lott has never had a proper boyfriend: Which means she has no frame of comparison in terms of what makes a good boyfriend. Imagine: being able to give a girl fags instead of flowers.

2. Pixie Lott turned down Russell Brand: Which means she’s a smart girl with class. Think about it; even your considerable creepiness cannot match up to Russell Brand’s sleaze. Plus, maybe your hair is smaller than his. And his attempted pick up line? “You’re pretty.” Read this and you will do better.

3. Pixie Lott is a UK chart topper and will sell many records in the next five years or so. If you’ve ever had a dream about being a male version of a WAG (a CHAP or a HAB), where you get to sit on your ass the whole day in a wifebeater, eat chips and wipe down your beautiful, shiny PlayStation 3 before proffering a major beatdown to the minions of Zeus in God Of War III, then this is the job for you. Emasculation be damned. 

4. Pixie Lott looks like Pixie Lott.

If you see the headline “Junk contributor weds pop princess Pixie Lott” on BBC within the next month, then you have been beat. If you don't, then the race is on, gents.

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