Say WHAT?: BrokenCYDE

Say WHAT? may have come a day late but  awful songs will be around forever! This week: crunkcore's heroes BrokenCYDE!

I think most of us here in Asia have never heard of this insult to music, intelligence, sanity, humanity... BrokenCYDE make music that makes me wanna break things. A lot of things. In fact, the very first time I listened to them, I had to clean my ears out with bleach just to get rid of the awful pain drilling into my skull. So for your viewing (dis)pleasure:

BrokenCYDE- 'Freaxx' (you already know you're in for something bad with a title like that)

Assuming you're still with me after hearing that, I'm sure you can agree with me that this IS THE WORST BAND EVER. Here's a little background info. Se7en, Antz, Mikl, amd Phat J, also known as BrokenCYDE aka The Four Horsemen of The End of Music As We Know It, hail from AlbuCRUNKY, New Mexico, and named themselves BrokenCYDE to refer how they've been 'broken inside' by previous relationships. I have to ask, what previous relationships? Any girl who dated one of these four must be blind, deaf, stupid, or a combination of the three.

At this point, an analysis of their lyrics would almost be redundant, but hey, that's what this column is about, so brace yourselves.

I walk into the club looking kind of sexy now. 

I see these shorties in the corner, they started making out. 

They pull their panties down, they take their pants off. 

Then they started getting freaky on the dance floor. 

Shake it mommy give it to me like you need some love.

Please refer to video above. Please do tell me if white scene kid rapper dude and/or screamer dude with skunk hairdo= sexy. Thought not. I think that to make this kind of music, you have to live in your own world, and BrokenCYDE definitely do. And there, they defy the laws of physics! First, you pull your panties down, and then you take your pants off! Unless the girl they're talking about is wearing a Superman costume at a Halloween party, I think this automatically is a fail.

That hardcore shit will make you feel the toxic. 

Fursachi, Rolex watches. 

Bently coups with the 20's droppin. 

Convertible top, and the wheels spin. 

I can taste that ice when my grill is in. 

... What? Wow, these kids can afford Rolex watches? Ric Flair has a lot to answer for. WOOOOO!!! And yea, kids, make sure when you take your dad's Bentley out for night on the hoes you clean up the vomit aightttttt? Otherwise you might get grounded for the rest of your adolescent life. Just sayin.

I didn't know that diamonds had flavor. Seriously, I didn't! This could be revolutionary! We could have diamond-flavored ice-cream. Tooth paste. Pappa Rich could make diamond BUNS. It'll be the next Slurpee flavor. Imagine the possiblities! Thank you BrokenCYDE, for telling us you can taste that sweet, sweet, bedazzled 'ice' on your grill! Never understood the grillz thing anyway. I guess even braces can look cool with obscene amounts of blood diamonds in them.

Oh baby why did you have to lie to me. 

I can't play no more games. 

These thoughts are slowly controlling me. 

You're turning off the flame. 

So go baby go baby. 

You don't want me. 

So go baby go baby. 

Come and get me. 

So go baby go baby. 

You don't want me. 

So go baby go! 

Come and get me. 

Let's get freaky now, let's get f**king freaky now

And yes, at the end the songs morphs into this Europop thing where the singer suddenly whines about this girl 'lying' to him. I can't see why she wouldn't though. Before going back into their oh-so-catchy hook of "Let's get freakayyyyyy".

Warren Ellis once commented that BrokenCYDE represented everything that's crap about society at this point in time.

I have to agree.