Are you offended by Panda Head Curry?

If you think the region music scene is boring and too politically correct, then you will find plenty to love with Panda Head Curry?. Yes, that question mark is there is on purpose. We got scared out of our pants talking to the duo, consisting of Lord Panda and General Panda.

Aren't you guys afraid of offending people? Folks in our neck of the world don't take too kindly to being made fun of.

Lord Panda: We heard that the folks in our neck of the world are going to be attacked and decimated by rabid Panda Head Curry? fans from the crotch of the world. So, this is a moot question.

General Panda: I fear no mere mortal. If the folks in your neck of the world don’t like it, then they can look forward to getting their necks broken by the flick of my finger.

Are you guys as twisted in real life as you are in your songs?

Lord Panda: We are so flexible, that we can twist, bend and flex better than a politician man caught with dead, naked boy in a hotel room.

General Panda: Life is twisted. I just found that out the other day when I gave birth to a Giant Polar Bear.

What drives your creativity when it comes to Panda Head Curry?

Lord Panda: Inebriated phone calls and fishing trips with Lingam.

General Panda: Incestuous Hamster Stew. Very easy. Rear some hamsters. Let them procreate. Eat raw while they’re in the act. Good for blood circulation.

Can you share with us a recipe for Panda Head Curry?

General Panda: Curry! Mummy’s curry!

Lord Panda: Panda Head Curry?’s favorite Family Fun Day Panda Head Curry recipe (get the family to help!).

1. 750 ml bottle of Jack Daniels

2. 16 shells and a thirty-ought-six Springfield

3. Panda

4. C4 (Semtex) – 2-3 kg

5. Brinjals – 5 good sized ones

6. A buncha ladies fingers (sever segments secretly)

7. Baba’s curry powder – 500 g (mix to paste)

8. Coconut milk, 3 litres

9. Onions, garlic, salt to taste

Acquiring a Panda.

Measure 250 ml Jack Daniels, drink. Bring family to zoo. Locate panda exhibit. Take out rifle, empty rounds in panda’s chest (don’t damage head). Save empty shells. Saw off head. Blow up remaining carcass with C4, deny you ever met the panda, hide pictures of you and panda at social event. Anyone links you and panda…arrest them for sedition. Finish remaining Jack Daniels.

Cooking the Curry

Sauté chopped onions, garlic and curry paste, until fragrant. Add coconut milk. Throw in panda head, cover. Simmer for 4 hours. Add ladies fingers and brinjals. Simmer 15 minutes.

Garnish with bamboo leaves and shell casings. Serve hot with rice. Deny everything.

You have your albums available for free online. Why is that?

General Panda: Who said anything about being free? You owe us your unborn baby. Didn’t you read the microprint? Don’t worry. We’ll take care of the little worms. They will be under the watchful eyes of paedophiles in our dungeons.

Lord Panda: Firstly, we are unable to offer any of our works of genius on CD. A mere plastic CD is unable to contain the genius that is Panda Head Curry?. A Panda Head Curry? CD would have to be forged out of a Black Hole and you’d need the light from the Big Bang to read it. Now for some unknown reason, our songs can be stored in MP3 format on a hard drive safely. That’s why they’re only available for download. Why do we make our music free? Our studies showed that people who downloaded free music, instead of buying it, were poor wretches, who can’t afford to pay for software, movies or music because all their money went towards syphilis treatment for their crack ‘ho moms. Our free for download music blocks out the screaming, whipping, banging sounds when their moms’ “gentlemen callers” come for a visit, and comforts these poor little wretches as they pull their knees to their chests and rock and think of being in a happy place.

Do you think Radiohead and Nine Inch Nails are fans of yours? They recently released albums for free online too.

Lord Panda: Isn’t Radiohead one of the Teletubbies? Trent’s a HUGE fan of Panda Head Curry?, I personally invented Industrial Music in the 80’s and taught Trent everything he knows. However, we had a falling out recently when he became Paris Hilton’s BFF and went Emo.

General Panda: I thought Trent how to shoot Heroine. He’s really afraid of pointy stuff, you know? As for Tom Yorke, I use to read George Orwell’s 1984 to him in bed.

We want "Singapore Belongs to Malaysia" for our June compilation. Can you tell us about that song?

General Panda: Long, long time ago, when monkeys still walked the earth, there was a Great Monkey named Pun Thang who dominated the plains of South East Asia. Pun Thang based his empire in Mount Shibai, now known as Batu Caves. Some of the monkeys that were delegated by Pun Thang to oversee the development in the border frontiers of his empire, were intimided by Pun Thang’s charisma and just down right jealous of him getting all the primitive (monkey) pussy. One of these monkeys was Jason Ah Long, a moronic cross bred pariah of a red butt baboon and bare breasted flounder monkey. Ah Long bribed all the inhabitants of his island into staging a mutiny against Pun Thang. Pun Thang, too busy getting all the monkey muff, could not be bothered. So, Ah Long took over and became the first PM (Prime Monkey) of the island now known as Singapore. Pun Thang came to us in a yogic hallucination one night and begged us to retake Singapore, as it rightfully belongs to him; even though he was too busy being a dirty monkey to notice it had declared independence. So now we are going to take Singapore back and show them whose boss! We must punish these rebel monkeys! Spank them!

Lord Panda: Didn’t you learn history? In 1879, Malaysia won the island (then called Platypus island) from China in a controversial cock fight (the Chinese challenged the results, claiming that we dropped our sarongs, before the starting signal was given). We lived peacefully with the island’s native creatures, the platypi. In 1969, fearful of Malaysia’s control of the region’s platypus stockpile, Queen Kylie of Australia and The Last Emperor of China, Lee Kuan Yew, formed an alliance and launched a campaign to conquer Platypus Island while the Malaysians were at Woodstock . They then renamed the island “Singapore”, after one of their favourite cocktails, and installed a puppet government, helmed by Sultan Shahnon Shah I, an exiled Engineer-Prince from the nearby Srivijaya Empire. The Maharajah brought in immigrants from the Chinese province of Kia Xiu to start theatre, song and dance companies. The shy platypi were wiped out by these immigrants, eaten and used in cruel spanking games. “Singapore Belongs To Malaysia” is the rallying call to unite, drive the Kia Xiu out and save the platypi!

What's next for you guys?

General Panda: Marriage maybe….But probably a few more epic adventures….Oh yeah we got an offer to star in Indian Jones 4: The Panda King of Borneo…Right now… I just feel like beating my stick…

Lord Panda: General Panda refuses to accept the fact that no matter how much lipstick he puts on his fist, he can’t marry it. We’re in the process of streamlining the country after winning 3/2 majority in the last elections (this was far more challenging than trying for a pathetic 2/3 majority). We’ve outsourced Judiciary, Legislative and Executive functionality to a call centre in Bangalore, freeing up a lot of our time. Recently, we decided to accept an invitation to perform at the KL Sing Song 2008 at the KL Performing Arts Centre, we decided to give those Troubadour wretches a helping hand, boost ticket sales with our presence, etc. We’ll probably be performing on the 20th of July 2008. We’ve got a show that’s guaranteed to thrill and delight young and old! There’s going to be a petting zoo, face painting, clowns. We’ll even have gerbils and fudge for our friends from Kakiseni and the arts community! Download super neat stuff by Panda Head Curry? and find out what they’re up to at http://www.disarseter.com/PHC or email them at PHC@disarseter.com! Woo hey! You love us!